Finding me…

As a partner and a mum, I didn’t realise my own sense of self had slipped away so much until I separated from my children’s father a few years ago. I found myself struggling to know what I wanted for me.

Those who know me personally might not see that as me, I was always very good at creating a facade. One that had others believing I was coping… and happy.  I’m sure it was true at times… but I wasn’t being totally honest with myself.

Our separation wasn’t a time I want to repeat… but when it happened, I somehow knew it was for the best. I had hope that the children would indeed see who I really was… and not just the mum who drove them to school/kindy, cooked, washed, paid the bills and attended a zillion medical appointments every week with at least one of them. They deserved more of me than the one who had no time or patience for them.

It took time and a slow acceptance of the fact that I was no longer the girl I was before I had children, nor was I the woman I thought I was. So I made a resolve to find who I was…. or am.
My favourite tool here was my resolution (not a New Year one.. but a “New Me” one. ) to do at least ONE thing every month I had never done before. Whether I had the children with me or not.

It didn’t have to be risky… it didn’t have to challenging… there were no real rules. Just a rule to DO IT.
So.. in the past 18 months, if I look back now, I have attempted and achieved quite a lot.
Amongst other things I have:
*Bought a car on my own.
*Managed to get a sizeable loan and pay it off in 8 months.
*Cooked a meal for friends without having any notice of their visit.
*Visited the Art Gallery
*Driven to friends’ houses over an hour away, on my own. And stayed with them overnight.
*Gone out on a date on a week night.
*Booked a 12 night cruise to the Mediterranean.

So nothing really extreme… right?

Somewhere along the way, I found a passion for empowering others… empowering women.  I learnt to live. Really live. I learnt to feel… and to be completely passionate doing it!
I’m doing it for me. And I’m doing it for my children, my friends, my loved ones… and for anyone else who needs it.
Now if only I knew where to look to find a career doing it… I think I’d be blissfully happy. 


~ by C J on August 3, 2010.

3 Responses to “Finding me…”

  1. That’s a lovely blog CJ! Much love to you!

  2. thank you for sharing C

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